He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
