just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
