oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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