just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
