honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
