we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
