Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Shame - the story of my life.
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