Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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