Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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