well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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