In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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