I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
