Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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