Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
