She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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