We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
