Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
