Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
