Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
