I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
