I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
