I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
