Say something about gay babies.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
