why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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