I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
