respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
