The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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