Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
