I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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