I am full of burrito and curiosity
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
