I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
