So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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