he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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