and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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