I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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