he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
