I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
