It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
did you just send me my own nude
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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