it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
