I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
