I heard we made out
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
my poor anus
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
