I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
