One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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