Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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