Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
