Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
