She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Randomize
