I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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