I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
