So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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