I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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