i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
