shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
