im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
